16 reasons to believe I’m a Senior Citizen stuck in the body of a fifteen-year-old

Saturday, June 27, 2009

1. I talk fondly of the good old days before Myspace, mobile phones and iPods, when kids were seen and not heard, in spite of the fact that I was not alive in the good old days

2. I’ve taken to talking about bowel movements at the dinner table.

3. I glare at groups of youths and grumble under my breath.

4. I don’t understand Myspace.

5. I repeat myself a lot.

6. I repeat myself a lot.


8. For some time, I believed that ‘Teenagers’ by My Chemical Romance was sung by Shannon Noll. No, really, I did. Oh, come on, Gerard Way so sounds like Shannon Noll.

9. I regularly remark, “They just don’t make things like they used to.”

10. I don’t like Robert Pattinson. Though perhaps having an awareness of who Robert Pattinson negates me actually being a Senior Citizen.

11. I once had a mobile phone. But I never used it. I don’t know where it is now.
12. I would rather go to Bingo than binge drink at a party. Bingo, it’s like tap dancing, but not really.

13. I regularly use the phrase, “Kids today.”

14. I don’t have highlights, multiple piercings, tattoos, an iPhone, or plans to get any of these. I do, however, have a healthy respect for my elders.

15. I feel a very strong desire to get one of those trolleys that the elderly always have. I want to carry around bread to feed the ducks.

16. I always feel scandalised when they offer a Seniors discount somewhere, and I can’t have it. No one ever believes that I’m really a 70-year-old.
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