If Real Life Were Like Teen Books...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

• Everyone would be gorgeous. I mean, absolutely freaking drop dead beautiful. Everybody. Except the nerds or the people who are ugly for a reason. But then the nerds would take off their glasses and shake out their hair and oh my god they’re beautiful too!

• Vampires and other supernatural hotties would be everywhere. And they would be especially turned on by classy new-girls-in-town who are brunettes. Only brunettes.

• Every school would have a hot, blonde cheerleader who would be at the top of the social hierarchy and dating the beautiful but fallible guy who you have a five-year unrequited crush on.

• There would be redheads! Everywhere! Redhead falling from the sky! Pouring out your ears! Redheads! My God!

• No one would ever have to do homework. Unless somehow relevant to the plot, like how you ask this guy for help on your homework but you’re actually at the top of the class and you just have the hots for him.

• More teenagers would be orphans or from single parents households. One parent would be dead under mysterious circumstances.

• Everyone would have really eventful lives.

• Everyone would be walking around all the time inexplicably falling in love with other people and having epiphanies and giving really lengthy, involved, monologues.

• More people would be rich, and almost everybody would live in New York.

• Awkward moments would be rarer.

• Everyone would be really kind and thoughtful and romantic. And everyone would have above-average intelligence. Which I guess would make above-average intelligence average.

• You wouldn’t ever have pointless conversations with anyone. Ever. It would all be relevant to the plot.

• Everything would be very! Dramatic!!

• Everyone would be in a love triangle.

• Did I mention we’d all be gorgeous?

• People would be more forthright about expressing their feelings and they would always have these long diatribes about how much they love other people! And it would be fantastic.

So, basically, I’m moving to Teen-Book-Land.

What do you think life would be like, if it were like a teen novel?
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