If real life were a YA paranormal romance novel...

Sunday, March 18, 2012

  • You would only ever have to go to school if it were important to the plot. Basically, whenever you were in class, a meeting with an amazingly attractive paranormal beast (a half vampire half angel, perhaps) would be inevitable. Of course you would still get excellent marks despite never studying.
  • Everyone would be gorgeous! Super attractive! Not just you, the beautiful yet intelligent hero of the story, and your mythological love interest, but everyone else, too. There would not be a single person alive without glowing skin and excessively long eyelashes and great manes of shiny hair.
  • You would be in a love triangle. Perhaps even a love quadrangle. You wouldn't be able to walk down the street without a half a dozen people and werewolves falling in love with you. You would of course find this very annoying.
  • You would have a Quirky Best Friend whom is always there for you despite you frequently ditching them to hang out with Sparkly Vampire Man. Quirky Best Friend may or may not later turn out to be an Evil Beastie.
  • Life would be pretty consistently thrilling. All the time you would be going to dangerous places and being saved in the nick of time by the love of your life. Which, by the way, you're probably going to meet the love of your life when you're sixteen or seventeen. And they'll probably have all sorts of super powers but you won't be able to be together because you're just too different! (Don't worry! It'll work out! This is a novel! It must have a happy ending.)
  • Every crush you think is unrequited would definitely be requited. Unless you are a secondary character who is a mere mortal (or Quirky Best Friend) in love with the stunningly beautiful protagonist, in which case you've got no hope. Sorry. Maybe you should try an Indie Romantic Comedy. Might have better luck there.
  • Everyone would always be declaring their undying love for everyone else! All the time! After a week of knowing them!
  • Almost everyone would secretly be a mythological creature. They'd have special systems for keeping their vampirism and so forth from being revealed to their human neighbours. Like coffins in the basement, and breeding rabbits for food. They're ethical vampires, of course. But not that ethical. I mean, really. Bunnies! Those poor little bunnies.
  • If you were a human being who couldn't fly, or didn't have super strength, or the ability to teleport, and you didn't hunger for human flesh or blood or brains, then you'd probably be in the minority. Luckily you'd have plenty of super-powered friends to fly you around and protect you from the Evil Baddies who hunger for your brains.

Pretty much, we need to figure out a way of transporting ourselves into a paranormal romance novel. It'll be awesome! Though probably a bit dangerous if we aren't main characters...

(Originally, this was a guest post for the brilliant Brisbane City Council Libraries' website, ibrary.)
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