My Writing Process: Twelve Simple Steps

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Step One: Stare at computer screen for minutes on end, blinking occasionally, trying to figure out how to start. 

Step Two: Think to self: 'I would be a much more productive writer if I had a whiz-bang writing program, and also a newer laptop, and also a way to directly transfer my thoughts to text, and also a wireless keyboard. A wireless keyboard would sort out all of my problems.'

Step Three: Imagine the book is finished, and it is beautiful, and full of really excellent sentences and even better paragraphs and mind-blowingly intelligent chapters. Imagine a parade held in my honour because I am such a brilliant writer.

Step Four: Be suddenly struck with brilliant idea. Type out one hundred words. Rejoice, for I have started writing the greatest novel ever to be written. Practice answers about my personal writerly struggles and such for when I am interviewed on national TV programs that interview only very important, very smart people.

Step Five: Reward myself with a cup of tea.

Step Six: Return to desk. Reread what I have written.

Step Seven: Delete.

Step Eight: DESPAIR.

Step Nine: Think of possible alternative careers. Look up bachelor degrees in Accountancy.

Step Ten: Wish for a wireless keyboard.Or a magical typewriter that writes all on its own. Or another cup of tea, possibly some Vegemite on toast.

Step Eleven: Eventually start writing again. And then refuse to look back, or stop, or do anything foolish like that. Get about fifty-thousand words down. While writing, think: 'This is glorious! This is wonderful!' Finish first draft.

Step Twelve: Reread. Start thinking about alternative careers again. (And, eventually, edit it. And let other people read it. Eventually.)


This post wasn't very helpful, but here is a list that is:

Tell me about your writing process!
(And advice about finding inspiration, and not falling into this-book-is-terrible despair, would be awfully appreciated!)
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