1. Mostly, people are more worried about what you think of them.
This is like that thing about spiders. You know, they're more afraid of you than you are of them. Which I'm not sure whether that's actually true or not or whether that's just something parents say to make you not freak out in the presence of a spider, but that doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is - when you are lying in bed late at night worrying over how you dropped a glass or said something inappropriate or whatever else, know that everyone else is doing that too. Only really petty people sit around judging others - mostly people are just worried about how they themselves came across, and whether you liked them. So ask people questions about themselves! Listen to their replies! Be genuinely interested! They will appreciate it.
2. You might think you're awkward and weird but it's entirely possible you're superbly adorable and charming.
Everyone sees themselves differently to how other people see them, and every person you know perceives you differently to the next. So if one person tells you, 'Steph Bowe, you're too shy!' don't worry! Unless your name isn't Steph Bowe. In which case, why are they calling you Steph Bowe? But seriously - you're probably a lot more critical of yourself than other people are of you. Thinking that you are weird or something else shouldn't stop you from going out and having fun. (And often the things that you think are flaws are the things that other people find absolutely charming.)
3. No one really cares.
This isn't supposed to be depressing - it's actually very freeing. Basically, quit worrying and angsting so much about what people think of you or about how shy and awkward you are, and remember that no one really cares if you are a little shy or you stand on someone's foot or whatever. Go out and be your lovely, wonderful self and they will like you or feel indifferent towards you and it doesn't really matter because you are still fabulous and we're all self-centred and this is ultimately a good thing! If you do do something really embarrassing, know that people forget really quite quickly, if they noticed at all. It's usually only a big deal to you.
4. Smile more.
My normal, neutral-mood face makes people think I'm upset when I feel just fine. I think a lot of people are like this. If you have meanface syndrome, smile more. Not to a creepy degree. Bring a friend with you to parties who can subtly nudge you when you begin looking like a serial killer. Practice this. Go find a mirror. You have a lovely smile. Speaking of bringing a friend - get a wingman/lady. My mum is an absolute legend, so I bring her along whenever she's not busy being awesome elsewhere. Having an outgoing person with you makes it easier to go places where you don't know many people. And if it turns out to be a terrible party and nobody talks to you, you will still be able to have a fabulous time.
5. Put yourself out there.
The more you put yourself in social situations that are out of your comfort zone (parties where you know one person, etc) the better you will get at talking to people and feeling comfortable and having a good time wherever you are. There's nothing bad or different about being shy, but don't miss out on meeting different/new/exciting people because you're worried you'll awkwardly hug everybody (feel free to awkwardly hug me. I'm a big fan of the awkward hug) or no one will talk to you or you'll have nothing to say. Because, really. I am shy and introverted and awkward(ly charming) but the more I go out and talk to new people, the more comfortable I become with it (people actually sometimes don't believe me when I say I'm shy now. Which is hilarious). Recognise that you are a fabulous person and look forward to the many great parties you will attend and conversations you will have. Smile and make eye contact and listen and hold your glass upright! You extroverted legend!
Upcoming Festival Appearances!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Melbourne Writers Festival
August 31
I'm on a panel called Emerging Writers with Lisa Dempster, director of Emerging Writers Festival, and Johannes Jakob, editor of Voiceworks. The blurb for the event promises you'll hear from key people in Melbourne's best loved organisations supporting new voices in writing, and from freelancers making their way in publishing. In this session we discuss ideas on finding a community as a writer, routes to getting published and building your profile on your way to success. It'll be fun.
Ballarat Writers Festival
September 3
I'm on a panel called 'Tackling Themes For Teens' which will possibly involve people dressing up in costumes as 'Drugs' or 'Alcohol' and me lunging at them, because writing for young adults is a contact sport. But then again, maybe not.
Chrissie Keighery, Gabrielle Williams and Karen Tayleur are also on that panel with me, and lots of other cool authors will be there. Also, I hear there'll be free tea, coffee and juice all day. Guys! Juice! How can you pass this up?
--
I have more festival-y goodness coming up, so I'll let you know. Any good panels at Melbourne Writers Festival you think I should see?
August 31
I'm on a panel called Emerging Writers with Lisa Dempster, director of Emerging Writers Festival, and Johannes Jakob, editor of Voiceworks. The blurb for the event promises you'll hear from key people in Melbourne's best loved organisations supporting new voices in writing, and from freelancers making their way in publishing. In this session we discuss ideas on finding a community as a writer, routes to getting published and building your profile on your way to success. It'll be fun.
Ballarat Writers Festival
September 3
I'm on a panel called 'Tackling Themes For Teens' which will possibly involve people dressing up in costumes as 'Drugs' or 'Alcohol' and me lunging at them, because writing for young adults is a contact sport. But then again, maybe not.
Chrissie Keighery, Gabrielle Williams and Karen Tayleur are also on that panel with me, and lots of other cool authors will be there. Also, I hear there'll be free tea, coffee and juice all day. Guys! Juice! How can you pass this up?
--
I have more festival-y goodness coming up, so I'll let you know. Any good panels at Melbourne Writers Festival you think I should see?
More than you think you are*
Monday, August 1, 2011
I don't find I'm ever really aware of the fact that I'm changing and growing and accomplishing things. I get so caught up in the present and everything I need to do and oh my god I'm getting old haven't I finished editing that novel yet? (No, I haven't. I'm trying. I have a pile of schoolwork to do. I've been neglecting my emails and this blog and the outside world.)
But just tonight I stepped back a little bit – care of rediscovering a self-questionnaire I did when I was just-turned fifteen and a bunch of photos from when I was twelve, thirteen, fourteen. So this all seems like it would be recent history and I feel like the same person I was then. And yet I'm not. Younger Steph is someone yearning to finish a novel, to be published, to be an author. And me, now, I'm the realisation of all the things I wanted to be. Which feels almost normal now – I have a book out there, being read by people, I speak in schools and at festivals, this is my reality that comes with all sorts of different challenges than being an aspiring author does. But Steph two years ago would be amazed.
This probably sounds narcissistic and awful, but it's true – sometimes I'll read an interview I've done or watch a video of myself from ages ago or find something I wrote when I was younger, and I think – hey, you're adorable. I give myself crap constantly for being too different or not different enough or selfish or false or whatever else, but sometimes I can look at myself (slightly more) objectively and think, you were a wonderful kid and you're becoming exactly the kind of person you wanted to be. Maybe not as happy as you wanted to be, but someone who is working hard and doing their own thing and trying their best to be a good person. And I love you and I hope you're happy with how things are coming along.
I was also reminded of the fact that I haven't been to a party that I really enjoyed since I turned thirteen. This is a major disappointment – I was expecting teenage parties to be way better. You guys! Someone throw a fabulous party! Let's have a garden soiree. You bring red cordial and picnic blankets. I'll bring the fairy bread and rad tunes. Bring cardigans so we can stay out to see the stars and write love letters to our younger selves/the universe/everybody ever. It'll be grand.
Anyway, what I have to say to you, dear reader (thanks for sticking around despite my frequent disappearances of late from this blog, by the way) is that you should probably give yourself more credit, and remind yourself of all the wonderful things you've done in the past and the great effect you've had on others, even if you didn't notice it at the time. And keep writing and reading, goddamn it! I haven't been doing either of those things enough.
*My favourite Matchbox Twenty album, by the way.
But just tonight I stepped back a little bit – care of rediscovering a self-questionnaire I did when I was just-turned fifteen and a bunch of photos from when I was twelve, thirteen, fourteen. So this all seems like it would be recent history and I feel like the same person I was then. And yet I'm not. Younger Steph is someone yearning to finish a novel, to be published, to be an author. And me, now, I'm the realisation of all the things I wanted to be. Which feels almost normal now – I have a book out there, being read by people, I speak in schools and at festivals, this is my reality that comes with all sorts of different challenges than being an aspiring author does. But Steph two years ago would be amazed.
This probably sounds narcissistic and awful, but it's true – sometimes I'll read an interview I've done or watch a video of myself from ages ago or find something I wrote when I was younger, and I think – hey, you're adorable. I give myself crap constantly for being too different or not different enough or selfish or false or whatever else, but sometimes I can look at myself (slightly more) objectively and think, you were a wonderful kid and you're becoming exactly the kind of person you wanted to be. Maybe not as happy as you wanted to be, but someone who is working hard and doing their own thing and trying their best to be a good person. And I love you and I hope you're happy with how things are coming along.
I was also reminded of the fact that I haven't been to a party that I really enjoyed since I turned thirteen. This is a major disappointment – I was expecting teenage parties to be way better. You guys! Someone throw a fabulous party! Let's have a garden soiree. You bring red cordial and picnic blankets. I'll bring the fairy bread and rad tunes. Bring cardigans so we can stay out to see the stars and write love letters to our younger selves/the universe/everybody ever. It'll be grand.
Anyway, what I have to say to you, dear reader (thanks for sticking around despite my frequent disappearances of late from this blog, by the way) is that you should probably give yourself more credit, and remind yourself of all the wonderful things you've done in the past and the great effect you've had on others, even if you didn't notice it at the time. And keep writing and reading, goddamn it! I haven't been doing either of those things enough.
*My favourite Matchbox Twenty album, by the way.
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