Awkward conversations with writers

1.

Another author: "So I read your book."
Me: "You did?"
Another author: "Yeah."
*silence*
*silence for three minutes*
Me: "So... are you working on something new?"

2.
Me: "I... write books. For teenagers."
Hairdresser: "Is the money good?"
Me: "It varies."
Hairdresser: "And who does your website design?"
Me: "I do."
Hairdresser: "See, there's this guy who just does Facebook pages. He just runs Facebook pages for people. That's where it's at. That's where people get all their business from. Not their websites. Facebook. Fifty dollars a week, he charges."
Me: "Right."
Hairdresser: "Do you think they're going to start charging people to use Facebook? Because I saw that they were going to do that."
Me: "It's a con. They won't."
Hairdresser: "You know, you really have to get to the teenagers early on. I read a really good book recently about how women and men can't relate to each other."
Me: "...Right."
Hairdresser: "You know it's like we just can't get through to our sons? See, women talk. Women just talk a lot. Whereas men, they can just look. And boys get the message. The woman in the book, see, was at a restaurant, and she saw this man with his sons, and usually the mother would be like, yelling "Come over here" but the father just gave them a look, and they knew their boundaries."

3.
Me: "That's my new book."
Man: "How many copies have you sold?"
Me: "Less than Twilight."

4.
Kid: "What famous authors do you know?"
Me: "Well, I've met Morris Gleitzman."
Kid: *blank*
Me: "And Melina Marchetta, and John Marsden."
Kid: "Have you met... Stephenie Meyer?"
Me: "No."
Kid: "J.K. Rowling?"
Me: "No."
Kid: "What about... what about..."
Me: "I've met Andy Griffiths."
Kid: "WOW. What other famous authors do you know?"
Me: "...that's about it."
Kid: "Oh."

5.
(prior to my new novel being published as All This Could End, the working title was This All Could End. Big difference, clearly.)
Lady: "What's it called?"
Me: "This All Could End."
Lady: "This Awkward End? That's... interesting."

I write stuff. Did you know I write stuff?

I haven't written anything on this here blog for a couple of weeks now, mainly because I have been writing lots of non-internet stuff. Like novels! Which is great! You want to read my novels, right? I have to write them first. Imagine my mad, machine-gun typing here.

There's book reviews and writerly ramblings in the works, but in the meantime, here's some stuff I've written elsewhere:

Bold. Brave. Smart. Fun. Refreshingly honest. News and opinion for young women.

1. I'm writing for this rather awesome Australian website for young women called Birdee, and so are a whole lot of other awesome young women, so you should check it out. I write articles with controversial titles like THE WORST GENERATION EVER. I just wrote a piece on how the writing of young people is criticised based on the author's age, rather than the work's merits, so you should read that and let me know what you think.

Young Vagabond is a magazine for young women, offering an alternative to other print publications, which often have an unhealthy focus on image and sexuality.

2. I've written some book reviews for the second edition of Young Vagabond magazine, a rather lovely new Australian magazine. You can buy it from their website.

Can you please stop using the word "sexy" in relation to YA novels?

I have noticed this trend of every flipping YA paranormal romance or urban fantasy or dystopia being described as 'sexy' in the blurb or in the puff piece. I have noticed it creeping into contemporary YA, too, now. I don't get it. Here are some reasons why:

1. The characters are like 16, 17. The person writing the blurb or puff piece is 95% of the time a grown woman. I don't care that they're fictional. It's weird. It's creepy. It's just... strange. Oh, so the angel-vampire whatever guy is sexy? I do not get how that matters. Seriously, this is something people care about? God, I've been approaching this writing business all wrong.

2. How exactly is the book sexy? It just seems like an odd adjective to apply. (It's important to remember I am not from your planet and as a result understand very few of your human concepts.)

3. Do you not think we already rampantly overuse the word 'sexy'? Do you not think the entire notion of 'sexy' is focused on far too much in our society? Do you not think these twelve-year-olds (and up) reading YA are not really invested in how 'sexy' a book is? Do you not think YA is geared far too much towards grown women now?

4. I legitimately understand nothing.

5. 'Like such-and-such book but sexier.' I AM THROWING YOU ACROSS THE ROOM NOW, BOOK.

6. To be fair, I was incensed and appalled by The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Thirteen and three quarters or whatever it is, what an awkwardly long title, at the age of ten because there was kissing in it. Disgusting! I've not changed much in the past nine years, to be honest. I don't think YA has to be devoid of sex but 'books that are sexy' and 'books that realistically depict teenage sexuality' are two different things.

7. Just stop it already. I refuse to read any book that has 'sexy' mentioned on the cover, or in the blurb, or by whatever other author is talking about how goddamn 'sexy' it is, especially if it's a YA novel. This is for ages twelve plus, guys. I know basically middle-aged women have hijacked it as a genre but I WILL NOT kowtow to their RIDICULOUS demands of SEXINESS in books about/for TEENAGERS okay?

8. Kowtow, what a weird word. Did you know it's borrowed from kòu tóu in Mandarin Chinese? Neither did I. Thanks, Wikipedia.

9. Don't use the word sexy, really. There are so many other, far superior, adjectives. If anyone cares to explain the meteoric/moronic rise of sexy in the description of EVERY YA NOVEL EVER, please share. Is this what the teenagers demand from their novels now? Has someone done focus groups? Please explain.